Jeff Foxworthy on Alberta:

This was a funny mail message that a friend, a former Albertan but now Montanan, passed on to me. I found it quite fitting. What’s really funny is that most of its true! For those of you who live in a warm and moderate climate, this might give you an insight into prairie life.

♣ ♣ ♣

If you consider it a sport to gather your food by drilling through 36 inches of ice and sitting there all day hoping that the food will swim by, you may live in Alberta.

If you instinctively walk like a penguin for six months out of the year, you may live in Alberta.

If your dad’s suntan stops at a line curving around the middle of his forehead, you may live in Alberta.

If you have worn shorts and a parka at the same time, you may live in Alberta.

If you have had a lengthy telephone conversation with someone whodialed a wrong number, you may live in Alberta.

You Know You Are A TRUE Albertan When:

1. “Vacation” means going south past Calgary for the weekend.
2. You measure distance in hours.
3. You know several people who have hit a deer more than once.
4. You often switch from “heat” to “A/C” in the same day and then back again.
5. You can drive 110 kph through 2 feet of snow during a raging blizzard,
without flinching.
6. You design your kid’s Halloween costume to fit over a snowsuit.
7. Driving is better in the winter because the potholes are filled with snow.
8. You know all 4 seasons: almost winter, winter, still winter and road construction.
9. Your idea of creative landscaping is a statue of a deer next to your blue spruce.*
10. “Down south” to you means Calgary.
11. Your 1st of July picnic was moved indoors due to frost.
12. You have more miles on your snow blower than your car.
13. You find 0 degrees “a little chilly.”
14. You actually understand these jokes, and you forward them to all
your Alberta friends! (Yup, did that!)

* I draw the line at deer statues.   🙂

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31 Responses to Jeff Foxworthy on Alberta:

  1. Tickersoid says:

    I take it, it snows a bit in Alberta then?

  2. Bronwen says:

    Funny stuff! I loved the one about the seasons…

  3. logoâ„¢ says:

    There are some of these about being a Washingtonian, which you, having lived in BC, would no doubt appreciate.
    Fun stuff 😀

  4. ames says:

    LMAO!! I think those can be applied to all prairie provinces really. 😛

  5. Kyahgirl says:

    tickers-just a bit, mostly its just cold.

    bronwen-yeah, the seasons are interesting. We actually have spring here but its only about 3 days long.

    logo-I’m sure I would love the Washingtonian one…I almost was one since I was born a few miles from the border.

    ames-you’re probably right 🙂

  6. Trina says:

    Too cute! I’ll have to share this with my mom – she lived in Newfoundland for several years as a child, and misses the cold and snow. She still talks about moving back there someday :~D

  7. Trina says:

    P.S. I apologize if comparing Newfoundland to Alberta sparks some sort of regional ire. I know some places are like that but don’t know if this is one of those cases ;~D

    Love,
    T

  8. L-girl says:

    This is totally off-topic… I just wanted to tell you that my new blog design is finally up – and it was inspired by your beautiful site. I really love this look and it inspired me to break out of my boring box. So: thank you!

  9. ariel says:

    very funny list, I loved the “lengthy telephone conversation with someone whodialed a wrong number” thing the most. that is stunning. and I am impressed with Albertans’ skills of driving and hunting at the same time!

  10. nath says:

    Hey Laura 🙂

    I’ve always liked the “You know you are a true… when” type of things ;P It’s always so funny!

  11. Mailyn says:

    LOL! I love him, he is hilarious. We have some of those for Florida. Just stopping by on my drive thru blogland today. Saying hi, how are ya, hope all is well and sending lots of love and hugs.

  12. Thank You for waking me with the prose of your wonderful blog

    The world owes you a debt of gratitude

    Yours as always

    The Cloned Corpse of Marcus Tal

  13. Doug says:

    Those are funny. I’d lose a lot of weight ice fishing in Santa Clarita.

  14. actonbell says:

    Haha! Oh, my, I’m too much of a wus to live there. And I can’t abide deer statues, either.

  15. Tom & Icy says:

    Makes us feel warm and fuzzy inside realizing it’s not really so bad here after all.

  16. Meow says:

    Just dropping by to wish you a Happy Valentines Day.
    Take care, Meow

  17. Kyahgirl says:

    Trina – hi Trina. a lot of people love Newfoundland, despite that fact that everyone mocks that province. And no, you haven’t inspired any regional ire in me 🙂

    L-girl – hey I checked it out, love your new layout!

    ariel – Hi ariel…you may laugh but I’ve done that! Remember my job with the answering service? I loveo talking to strangers on the phone 🙂

    nath – yeah, I’d like to see one for Quebec. have you got one?

    Mailyn – hi buddy. Glad you’re feelng well enough to get out for a visit.

    Dearest Corpse- it the least I could do.

    Doug – but think of it this way, you could live on coyotes!

    Actonbell – how do you feel about garden gnomes?

    Tom & Icy – yeah, you can rest easy knowing I’m freezing my butt off 🙂

    Meow – happy valentines day to you Too! ♥ 🙂

  18. jutstine says:

    he he, I got em. Especially the snow thing – that could apply here, too.

  19. Aubvey says:

    Ah had trubble unnerstandin’ that, dahlin”!!!!
    But don’t git me wrong–it souns lahk yur region of just LOVELY!!!!!! Ah would just aDORE to live there–only Ah think Ah maht injure mahself if Ah trahd to shovel snow!!!!! Ah’m just so delicate!!!!

  20. Kyahgirl says:

    jutstine-wow, its been a long, long time. I’m so happy to see you again!

    Aubvey-ah just looooove your accent sugah. we have a lady from Nashville working in our library here….I’m sure you’re tougher than a lady from Nashville!

  21. Monika says:

    number 6 adn 8 had me in fits. You very well could be Icleandic too if some of these things happened to you!

    That was very funny!

  22. CindyS says:

    So, the moving deer christmas thingie on my front lawn is a bad thing.

    CindyS

  23. jutstine says:

    back atcha!
    I was living in a small place with no broadband or cable. Amazing such places still exist in the developed world! I read a lot.
    🙂

  24. IDV says:

    You’d think Alberta would just crank up the thermostat. Or put more clothes on…

  25. Mike says:

    That was great! 🙂

    It’s supposed to hit 70 here next week – I feel guilty.

  26. Katie says:

    “If you have worn shorts and a parka at the same time, you may live in Alberta.”

    Hee hee hee. I love this line the most. It almost fits for Portland, too, oddly enough. Though in all honesty, for Portland the line would read more like, “I you have worn sandals and a parka at the same time…”

    I hope you’re feeling better! (Btw, Hi! I know, I know, long time no “see.” I’m lurking lately, having nothing to add that’s worth anyting ;))

  27. Katie says:

    GAH! “If” not “I.” My typing skills have been on a steady downward spiral.

  28. The Phoenix says:

    Um…I don’t get it.

  29. Kyahgirl says:

    Monika – I just knew you’d be able to relate!

    Cindy – as long as you don’t leave it out there all year its ok 🙂

    jutstine – well, until recently I couldn’t get broadband of any description here either so I know how tough that is.

    IDV – Albertans compensate by turning up the heat in their houses to unbearable levels.

    Mike – its ok Mike, I don’t begrudge you the warm weather 🙂

    Katie -Its nice to see you (in your parka and sandals) and I understand the lurking thing too. come anytime.

    The Phoenix – its ok, we can still be friends. Albertans are nice that way 🙂

  30. you know you in alberta when you get 3 speeding tickets for a start .. one from the cops, one from the RCMP, and one from the Sheriffs

    http://thenonconformer.wordpress.com/2009/06/09/stephen-harper/

  31. Sluggo says:

    this same list is rehashed for what ever place he is in

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