Can you see my crack?

One of the perks of my ‘mommy’ job is that I get to chauffeur my little bosses around and quietly listen while they chat in the back seat.

 

One day, Grant was fiddling with his window, trying to adjust it so there was a barely discernable opening.

 

He says to Nicole; ‘Cole, can  you see my crack?’

 

Upon noticing that Mommy is snickering away up front,  Nicole asked me what I was laughing at.   I decided to explain to the kids about the bum crack and how most people hearing that question would think  of that.  They erupted into giggles of course because kids just love to laugh about anything to do with bodily functions or private parts.

 

 So, for then next two months, I frequently heard Grant putting his window down to the right degree and asking Nicole ‘can you see my crack’ and listening to gales of laughter. That was fun. 

 

 Another funny one was when we were driving to Montana. The kids were watching The Lord of the Rings and Grant asked Nicole; ‘What’s royalty?’ 

 

She thought about it for a second then told him ‘royalty means you have a nice hat and don’t get killed’. 

 

 

Tell me something funny you heard kids say! I love this stuff. 🙂

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45 Responses to Can you see my crack?

  1. neva says:

    those are great anecdotes, Laura! too too funny!

    i think my favorite “kid quip” moments happened when my youngest was still a “tiny boy”. once, when we were moving to Florida, and Joel asked him if he was excited about living in Miami, and my son pouted and said “It’s not YOUR ami, Joel, it’s *Mommy’s* ami!” (because i had been talking to him about it for a few days at that time). another funny moment came when we were going out to the Governor’s ball (we lived in Virginia at the time) and i came walking down the stairs dressed to the “nines”, or so i thought, and my son smacked my leg and said “You can’t go out like that! You look like a Grandma!”

    later, i told him that some day his own kids would call me Grandma, and he said, “Oh no they won’t. When they call you that, i’m gonna tell ’em ‘Kids… don’t you call my Mommy, Grandma‘”. can’t wait to see how that works out.

    great post…thanks for the laughs!! xox

  2. Katie says:

    Oh crap, I’m laughing so hard at the definition for royalty that I can’t think now!

    Hm… I’m not sure if you get the same commericals up north that we do down here, but there’s this chain of sub sandwich shops that has a tagline, “Subway! Eat Fresh!” My boys are both nuts for The Simpsons, and like to quote them, including the “cowabunga” and the “eat my shorts” lines. During the commerical break for one episode, they aired a Subway ad. For weeks afterwards, both my boys would run around insulting each other with, “My shorts! Eat fresh!”

    My fave is still from when we were learning about water, and doing little home science experiments to learn about its different properties. One day I found a glass overturned on the floor and a huge puddle of water just sitting there. “Boys! Who spilled this? Why didn’t you get a towel? What do you think is going to happen with this mess?” Then one of them eyed me like I was just stupid, and sighed in exasperation, “Evaporation, mom.”

  3. Kyahgirl says:

    Neva-thanks for straightening my out on who ‘ami’ belongs to! Oh, and the killer Grandma comment, you poor thing. Kids have a way of hitting below the belt eh?

    Katie-I love that evaporation story. I bet you got a few eyerolls with that one too!

  4. Doug says:

    I’m I the only one laughing that in a car with two kids, it was Kyah giggling at the potty double-entendre?

  5. Kyahgirl says:

    Doug-its kind of amazing that they made it to the ripe old ages of 6 and 7 and didn’t know what a ‘crack’ was. I set them straight!

  6. Monika says:

    precious. I get those a lot too, drivign with three boys in teh back seat once in a while. And I hear you about teh private parts/body funtion obsession.

    The newest thing with those boys is a joke that only works in icleandic:

    A eg ad segja ther brandara?
    Já
    Keyptu ther brjosthaldara!

    translation:
    shall I tell you a joke?
    Sure!
    buy yourself a bra!

    it rhymes in icleandic, you see?! 🙂

    Kids!

  7. Mo'a says:

    Minka I love it 🙂 Am I the only one laughing here? 🙂
    So do you have a nice hat?

    I love things children will say….one of the best one right off the top of my head is this one.
    I lived in New York State after having moved from Boston. I went back to Boston for a visit and my girl friend and her 9 year old son were showing me the sites…..I noticed a broad green stripe accross the road and said to my friend “What is this” she replied this is a new crossing path and one must stop and let the pedestrians cross……A little voice came from the back seat and said “It is illegal to kill pedestrians in this State”

  8. weirsdo says:

    On our trip through Missouri last summer, Mall Diva looked at a sign outside the car window and said, “What are diary farms?”
    As I always say, good thing she can play the violin.

  9. karma says:

    the wisecracks kids come up with :))

  10. Miz BoheMia says:

    Lovely… I am so laughing at those anecdotes!

    But I am drawing a blank as to mine! Unfortunately, those that do come to mind are of potty humor, body parts and the like! I will have to think on this!

  11. Barngoddess says:

    lol, I LOVED the crack saying………but I am the mother of 2 boys. Bodily functions and body humor rank #1 ’round here.

    Thanks for the giggles!

  12. ames says:

    Great stories!! LOL

    We’re Ojibway, and my mom and grandmother can speak the language.

    One day, my 10 year old brother got mad at them, because he couldn’t understand them. He said to my mom and grandma, “I can’t understand you when you talk Ojibberish. Speak English!”

  13. The Phoenix says:

    There are people addicted to crack here.

  14. Sar says:

    That’s too funny, Kyah! Oh man, my older one said something yesterday that was so funny I almost posted it. What was it?!?!?! Dammit performance anxiety, I’ll have to get back to you on it. *sigh*

  15. Mailyn says:

    My two year old cousin telling the babysitter [in funny yet understandable baby words] that her house was dirty. He even picked up a rag and went to work.

    His mom is very OCD and cleans like every other minute so I guess he saw her doing that all the time and decided that a clean house was the way to go.

    🙂

  16. Al says:

    Supercute, Kyah!

  17. kyahgirl says:

    Minka-I’m saving that one!

    Mo’a-That is great. We kill pedestrians here. Good for 10 points.

    wiersdo-well where else are diaries going to come from?

    karma-I know, these are fun.

    Miz B-I know you have lots of funnies to share, come on!

    BG-you’re welcome. I can just imagine life in a house full of boys!

    Ames-Ojiberrish is a great word 🙂

    Phoenix-I know, its addictive.

    Sar-come on, I know you have some to tell me!

    Mailyn-how can I hire that kid?

    Al-thanks 🙂

  18. tanlucypez says:

    Once when my mother was about to visit us, one of my granddaughters asked me in all seriousness, “why is great-granny considered to be great?”

  19. Bone says:

    I had a seven-year-old point out Tuesday night that I had “white hairs” in my beard. And “you have them on your head, too.”

    That was hilarious.

  20. Kyahgirl says:

    TLP-that’s funny. My daughter asked my husband something similar when we were going to visit his aunt. He explained that it was the kids great aunt and they were baffled. How can you call someone great when you don’t even know them?

    Bone- Kids are so straightforward eh? My daughter kindly points out my grey hair and every new wrinkle!

  21. CindyS says:

    Probably every little guy does this but my Godson makes me laugh all the time because he can be such a grump.

    I was saying something to him about how I was a girl and he was a boy. ‘No, I’m not a boy, I’m Joshua!’ (I think he was three)

    Now apparently he doesn’t like to go to school – they are full days and I think it wipes him out since he’s only 5.

    So he tells his mom how he won’t be going to school tomorrow and Sue says, you have to go to school. He got really mad but it was bedtime so it was short lived. The next morning she comes home from her night shift to find Josh smiling. Sue says how nice it is to see him smiling before he has to go to school and he says ‘I don’t have to go to school because it’s raining!’. Don’t have a clue where he got that idea but when Sue told him he still had to go he went and sat in a chair and pulled a blanket over his head until it was time to leave. He then trailed Sue by 20′ on the way to the bus stop.

    Good news is you know where you stand with the little guy. No question as to whether he’s happy or mad 😉

    CindyS

  22. Doug says:

    Two newfies were in the unemployment line and the social worker asks what they did in their last job.

    The first newfy says “I sewed ladies’ underwear, eh?”
    The second says “I was a diesel fitter, eh!”

    So the social worker rummages around, puts a file in front of each man and says to the first “Your new job pays $10 (.60US$) per hour.” To the second he says “Your new job pays $40 (.65US$) per hour.

    The first Newfy says “Dat’s not fair! Why come I get $10 and he get $40, eh?”

    The social worker says “Because he’s a diesel fitter and you’re just a ladies’ underwear sewer.”

    “No, no no” said the first Newfy, “I sews de drawers, hands ’em to him, and he puts ’em on his head and says ‘Dese’ll fit’er!’ eh?”

  23. pia says:

    Doug tells whole posts now?
    I’m drawing a blank because the youngest kid I know now is 12–and she laughs at me

    We have to do Madison Avenue—and she knows every designer–and I get points for knowing their life stories

    But I’m so drawing a blank at funny kid stories–and I used to know so many

  24. kyahgirl says:

    Cindy-your godson is one determined little guy. I hope Sue survives the teen years 🙂

    Doug-I am so impressed with your grasp of ‘Canadian’. Where’d you hear a Newfie joke? That’s a good one. I still think you’re deluded about the exchange rate but it adds a lot of colour 🙂

    Pia-that’s good enough! I have a great image in my head of you and your young friend out shopping.

  25. al says:

    Pretty funny, Doug. Very visual.

  26. Nancy says:

    Hi Honey……..still love the story of what Nicole said when she was trying to put her mittens on while in the back seat of the explorer. Maybe you should tell that story?

    I deal with people who are “on crack”, “with crack”, “live for crack”, and “have large amounts of crack” and have the “crack cough”.

    I’m glad there is a more innocent slant on it. My favorite quote/visual is a pic of a plumber bending over with the quote that says “say NO to crack”.

  27. Doug says:

    Kyah and Al, it’s an old Sven and Oli joke, adapted to answer a challenge. Kyah, the exchange rate isn’t $C=ln($US)?

  28. kyahgirl says:

    Al-Doug has a pretty good sense of humour for a curmudgeon!

    Nan-I have no idea how you live and thrive in the crackhead world. Just glad it hasn’t made you crack up.
    I’m sad to say I don’t remember the mitten story in all its detail. I remember it made you laugh though 🙂

    Doug-very creative. You exceeded my expectations on the challenge but then you always were a high achiever 🙂

  29. neva says:

    Doug, i was telling that joke over 20 years ago (i kid you not). only my version was less… um… kind. so i’m very glad it was you and not me (i kept meaning to share it with Diesel, now i don’t have to!)

    now that i think about it, maybe i heard it in Canada when i was up there with my band. no, wait… as i said before, the version i’ve always told was less “kind” (soooo not PC). *definitely* not Canadian.

    Kyahgirl, you *do* manage to pull the funny out of that Dawg! what’s your secret? xox

  30. quilldancer says:

    Cute kid quips? You really want me to repost my blog here?

  31. g says:

    Doug, you most certainly were not alone in getting a chuckle out of Kyah in the front seat as I too occupy that seat and know well of what she speaks. This “cracked” me up!

    Of course, you may all gather that I can wallow in the potty with the best of them. This does call to mind, Tali’s teacher of last year who was originally from England and whom we made a whole skit around with the tag line delivered by Julian in his best British accent “No BUM scratching!”. Whenever I mentioned Mrs. R*****, he would respond with that.

    Needless to say, we kept Julian away from pickups at Tali’s school when Mrs. R***** was within earshot.

  32. shayna says:

    That is too funny!

    My son is just now talking in little sentences… and right now… everything he says is too cute and funny! 🙂

  33. Fred says:

    Dad yelled at D2.

    D2 then stomps out of the room, and before heading into her room, she says, “Dad, you’ve obviously forgotten what it’s like to be a child.”

    Dad stood there, speechless.

  34. grannyp says:

    You should send both these to our sainted majesty. I’m told she has a sense of humour. Trouble is: you’d just get a message back starting.. ‘Her majesty has asked me,,’

  35. Meow says:

    Kids sure do say the funniest things.
    Have a wonderful week.
    Take care, Meow

  36. IDV says:

    Children are priceless, aren’t they?

    Why, only the other day, I’d captured two of the little monsters angels and they were coming out with all sorts!

    “Please don’t eat us” they’d say. And “Owww! The inside of this pot is really hot!” Oh, and “Aaaiiiee! There’s chilli powder in my eye!”

    Honestly, kids today!

  37. Mike says:

    In the early ’50s we were having a family of a man my father worked with over for Sunday dinner. Because of the era, we had to wear our Sunday best and were warned about our manners. In a rush to prepare dinner and dress, my mother had my 4 y/o sister jump in the tub w/ her for a quick bath. Later dinner was served and the adult chat was appropriately pleasant and cordial. Suddenly, in the middle of dinner, my sister asked, “How come you have hair here and I don’t.” My mother turned every color of the rainbow. My brother and I ROFL. And a glare from my father quickly stopped our laughter. It still makes me LOL. 🙂

  38. actonbell says:

    Back when I was student teaching, around Halloween time, I read some spooky stories to a group of kindergarteners. You know that one about the young woman who ALWAYS wore the scarf around her neck, and people wondered why? Well, when I got to the part about her head falling off, one of the boys in the class exclaimed, “Oh, MY! How embarrassing.

    To say the least.

  39. Trina says:

    LMAO! Kids are too darn cute! And since you asked, here are a few recent sayings/stories from my niece, Rebecca (who for the past several months has considered me her “best friend” and makes sure to tell everyone about it). Rebecca will be 3 next week.

    Recently as she and I were leaving her house for her to spend a couple nights with me, she felt the need to reassure her little brother (who was not at all concerned over her departure), telling him things like, “Don’t worry Liam, I’ll be back soon.” Then, as I put her in the car seat and her parents and brother waved goodbye, she called out to him: “Don’t cry for me, Liam.” Such a drama queen!

    One day, she was sitting on my sofa watching Blue’s Clues and having a snack, and farted. She looked at me and said, “What that noise? What that smell? Someone farted. It was me.” So much for dissembling.

    Last one. I usually wear polo shirts and don’t button them. It’s comfortable. It’s also indecent, apparently. Last time I wore one around Becca, when she saw that it was open she got angry/upset and tried to close the shirt, saying, “I don’t want to see your skin!” I had to button it all the way to the top – even one undone was an affront to her sensibilities!

  40. weirsdo says:

    Just remembered, when Mall Diva was little, she got some costume jewelry so she could be a princess for Halloween. When I insisted she remove it while she took a bath, she screamed, “I want my finery” all through the bath, and as the water was running out called me, “You hateful woman!”

  41. Doug says:

    Weirsdo, that’s a funny story and real easy to picture.

    Kyah, I know it isn’t thanksgiving there, but I wish you gravy with whatever your fare.

  42. kyahgirl says:

    Oh my, a whole week since I checked my comments!! bad dog.

    Neva-you know the secret is to challenge his inner goofball. I have one too so I know its in there 🙂

    Quilldancer-you are the queen of funny kid stories, that’s why I love checking out your place.

    G-your little Julian sounds hilarious.

    Shayna-now the fun begins. you wouldn’t think it was possible to fall even more in love but you will!

    Fred-now, I find that hard to believe. D2 couldn’t haven meant it!

    grannyp-our sainted Majesty laughs? hmmm.

    Meow-thanks C 🙂

    IDV-its hard to find kids who want to be part of a nice stew these days. What’s a witch to do?

    Mike-that IS funny. OMG, kids can be so embarrassing eh?

    Actonbell-that little kid was a master of understatement.

    Trina-She sounds like a real pistol. And, I always suspected you were some kind of hussy. I mean really, exposing your skin like that!

    Weirsdo-I wonder where Mall Diva got her command of English? You could tell her if you were REALLY hateful you’d ship her off to the diary farm 🙂

    Doug-thanks for stopping by. I do love to have gravy on my kibble. Speaking of Thanksgiving, I’m grateful to count you among my many blessings.

  43. Mom says:

    kyahgirl fineley got to read your blog and all the intesting and funny comments I always enjoy them it snowed about a foot the whole city is shut down no school no buses running one lane traffic out to the ferry all
    over a foot of the white stuff no. 6 made it to work I knew she good do it and now the sun is shinning Love mom

  44. mig bardsley says:

    LOL!
    I remember hearing middle child saying “oh bamalas bamalas!” and eldest said helpfully, “no, it’s balamas” (bananas)

  45. mig bardsley says:

    Oh and my neighbour’s little boy caught her inserting a tampon one day and said earnestly “don’t worry Mummy, I won’t tell anyone you hid that in there”

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