Questions of a delicate nature:

I was visiting the blog of an cyberfriend and stumbled upon a topic that we were interested in discussing but her place wasn’t quite right, given the potential audience of her blog. So, we’re moving it over here.

Seems that many bloggers I know are single, dating, reveling in singledom, reviling spinsterdom; the whole gamut. There are always interesting discussions on their blogs related to the state of their love lives.

The question that arise are:

How many dates before you know if you want to get into anything physical with your date?

Describe physical?

Have the answers changed from your 20’s, 30’s, 40’s?

I’m not in a position to go and collect more data but from what I remember, the third date always seemed to be the turning point.

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One Response to Questions of a delicate nature:

  1. Kyahgirl says:

    Fred said,
    December 15, 2005 @ 2:12 pm · Edit

    It depends, really. When I was in my 20s, if it happened on the first date, so be it. In some cases, that’s the only thing either of us wanted.

    In other cases, I really liked the girl, and just let things develop. I would think three or four times dating might be the place to think about whether something should happen. (At least I did 25 years ago.)

    I didn’t date past 26, so I really can’t answer beyond that.

    Kyahgirl said,
    December 15, 2005 @ 2:22 pm · Edit

    LOL- I know Fred, its tough when you haven’t been playing the field for a long, long time!

    katiedid said,
    December 15, 2005 @ 3:43 pm · Edit

    I used to have no regular time patterns at all that I can think of. Kind of like Fred, it all depended on the person and the circumstances I guess.

    I am such a dolt. I knew you’d changed places, and updated my links, and then forgot to add you to my Bloglines. Sheesh. I kept wondering if you were ever going to post again. I am an idiot. Clearly.

    whinger said,
    December 15, 2005 @ 5:09 pm · Edit

    Ummmm…I used to have a third date rule on the physical, and then about a 1-month rule on the go-all-the-way kind of physical.

    But then there was Partner.

    I’ve actually discovered that a large percentage (60%) of the happy couples I know had sex on the first date.

    So yeah. Now you know a little more about me than previously.

    Kellycat said,
    December 16, 2005 @ 1:38 am · Edit

    To be honest, until I met Duck, all of my relationships had been one night stands that just lasted far longer than they ever should have done. I never went on a “date” until I was 25, and I considered myself quite ladylike for lasting until the fourth date before getting naked.

    Kyahgirl said,
    December 16, 2005 @ 8:18 am · Edit

    whinger-I’m glad to know more about you! I’m also glad about you and partner-it sounds like a perfect match.

    kellycat-my dating experiences were pretty limited too. When a teenager, dating usually was limited to hormone induced snogging during/after a party in which too much alcohol had been consumed. Then there was the long first marriage, then when I was dating again in my thirties, I wasn’t going to wait around for a long time. Either the attraction was there or it wasn’t and I didn’t pursue it. When I met Ron, I’d never felt anything like it in terms of raw attraction. Its amazing that I lasted until the third date before deciding I had to take things into my own hands and have my way with him. Now, you all know way more about me. Believe me, I’m cringing at the thought of certain relatives reading this blog but I have to live authentically. That means I’ll be open and you can see me in my entirety-warts and all!

    surly girl said,
    December 16, 2005 @ 8:24 am · Edit

    i’m a get-drunk-and-first-date-fuckem sort of girl myself.

    clearly i am not meeting-mother material but it netted me the other half so i am happy to be a slut.

    colombina said,
    December 16, 2005 @ 8:29 am · Edit

    I will be yet another one to say “it depends”. As far as my last (current relationship, marriage of 4 years)) is concerned, we are one of those couples that constitute the 60% from Whinger’s comment.

    Kyahgirl said,
    December 16, 2005 @ 8:39 am · Edit

    SG-somehow I knew you were going to say that . And yes, OH is a treasure!

    colombina-happy to know that Do you remember what perfume you were wearing?

    colombina said,
    December 16, 2005 @ 8:51 am · Edit

    Good question…the answer to which escapes me…:-) I just don’t remember, hmmm.

    Urban Chick said,
    December 16, 2005 @ 9:10 am · Edit

    mr chick and i have yet to consummate our marriage (least i told my folks that’s why we had IVF)


    Kyahgirl said,
    December 16, 2005 @ 9:32 am · Edit

    ha, ha, ha UC.

    BTW, its so nice to see you again. I’m glad chicklet #2 is on the mend.

    GreatSheElephant said,
    December 16, 2005 @ 10:26 am · Edit

    There’s the theory and then there’s the practice. The theory is that I wait till I’m sure they will be staying around. The practice is first date. And it is quite astonishing how many men will wait for a month or so of dating and then still never call again after shagging me. The older I get, the more I think it would be sensible to wait and the less in practice I do. After all, I average out at sex about once a year if that so it almost seems perverse to wait – why miss this year’s opportunity? I really do wish I knew why it is I can’t keep a guy.

    p.s. I don’t think I smell.

    Kyahgirl said,
    December 16, 2005 @ 10:37 am · Edit

    GSE, I understand that feeling about not wanting to ‘miss this year’s opportunity’. I have other single friends and its not uncommon to hear that.

    You don’t smell, and you sound posh (from all reports). Perhaps you frighten them? I’ve heard men express an awful lot of insecurity around smart, self-possessed women.

    Mrs.Aginoth said,
    December 16, 2005 @ 1:59 pm · Edit

    umm, it’s been a long time since I was on the dating scene, but I certainly didn’t have a “rule”.

    Mostly I met people while drunk, so something physical would happen, but not too much cos we were too drunk – a good compromise LOL:-)

    I suppose now, if I managed to get rid of Aggie, I’d try for the second date. One to make sure they are worth seeing again, but get physical quickly in case it doesn’t work!

    Lucy Stern said,
    December 20, 2005 @ 1:12 pm · Edit

    Well, I dated the guy I was going to marry for 4 years and I didn’t allow anything to happen. (I was only 16 when we started dating.) I wanted to hold out for a marriage first. I’ve been married for 34 years now and I wouldn’t change a thing. I know that is not something you didn’t expect to hear. I don’t believe in sex before marriage…that’s my own personal opinion.

    risa said,
    December 20, 2005 @ 4:48 pm · Edit

    i am so rarely physically attracted to anyone that i’ll go pretty far on a first date if that attraction is there. but sadly i’ve hurt quite a lot of people waiting for the attraction to develop (by the recommendation of friends and family who are tired of hearing me complain) that i just don’t date past the first date anymore unless that attraction is there. which means i haven’t dated anyone more than one date in 2+ years.

    i certainly don’t revel in singledom, though. i find it pretty annoying.

    Kyahgirl said,
    December 21, 2005 @ 9:54 am · Edit

    Mrs A- LOL- great reasoning. but don’t rid of Aggie-he’s a prize.

    lucy – glad to hear it worked out so well! 34 years, that’s awesome.

    risa- I can understand that. If there’s no attraction, why bother?

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